Tonight, I am grieving the things we have lost this year. This year gave me some unexpected blessings. It gave me extra time with my kids. It cleared my schedule when I was feeling overwhelmed. But I’ve also felt the loss of many things.

Tonight, my daughter was dancing like a ballerina to a song from the Nutcracker. It reminded me that last year we were able to take her to the ballet. We were able to see her eyes light up as she watched the dancers, the costumes, the lights, the set. This year, we will not be able to do that.

The world is not as it should be.

Every day, I kiss my son goodbye through a mask. The world is not as it should be.

My kids use their toys to pretend to scan their foreheads. The world is not as it should be.

One of my best friends had her baby at the beginning of the year, and there’s no telling when I will be able to meet her. The world is not as it should be.

I wasn’t able to see my nephew in the hospital when he was born. The world is not as it should be.

And some days, this all feels so heavy.

There is still light, and promise, and hope. But there is also heaviness. A heaviness that I am not sure how we will carry.