For a quick throwback post, I was reminded of something I wrote just over 3 years ago. I recently feel like I have been walking through a similar season, and by God’s grace, He is beginning to restore and refresh me again.

Something I wanted to add that has been a constant reminder to me this year is that God is always with us. Whether we feel it or believe it or know it, his last promise to us in Matthew is that He will be with us always to the end of the age. I remind myself of that in every situation. He is with me.

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Over the past couple months, I feel like there has been an epidemic of Christians feeling like they are in the “wilderness” spiritually. They feel parched, dry, hard, and desolate. Me too. For whatever reason or purpose, spiritually I was feeling dehydrated and would cling and devour even a drop of knowing that God was near.

If there is anything I have learned since knowing Jesus, it’s the truth that knowing Jesus does not guarantee a life free of hardship, struggle, and turmoil. Rather, knowing Jesus has given me hope in all of these situations that I didn’t have before.

And this time, in the wilderness, God was gracious enough to show me a purpose for it.

This is the Scripture He has placed over this season in life from Deuteronomy 8:

“And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.” (vs. 2-3)

(Side note: Deuteronomy 8 is one my favorite chapters, so read the whole thing if you get a chance. So good.)

The wilderness is not just for us to suffer, but for us to hunger and thirst. Desperately. And in that desperation, when God comes in and feeds and gives us drink, we are reminded of how desperately we need Him.

Life can make us easily forget. The wilderness causes us to hunger and thirst for God, to long for Him. Then we find ourselves crying out like David did in Psalm 43: “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” Desperately. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” (Mt 5:6).

The wilderness teaches us how to hunger and thirst for God. Desperately. And when He comes to quench, we will be satisfied in Him.

“But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life.” [ 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 ]

As we look forward to the new year, many of us are pledging to change things about our life and habits. I know I am sitting here thinking of things and trying to not let it be overwhelming.

After reading the above verse from 2 Corinthians last week, I thought a lot about whether my life is the aroma of Christ. Paul says that through us God will spread the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. That means that through our lives, people should sense the truth of Jesus Christ.

When I walk into my friend Morgan’s house, I am greeted by the sweetest smells! What’s even crazier is that I got to visit her classroom a couple months ago (she’s a high school teacher), and her classroom smelled just like her house! I can only hope to have my home smell that wonderful. She probably has stock in Febreze and Scentsy, but all joking aside, the smell of her home is so memorable. It brings comfort, it hints that her house is clean, and it’s consistent. And if I have to be honest, it makes me want to replicate it. So I too trekked to the grocery store and stocked up on different smell-good things to make my home smell that way. (As an aside, the first guest we had commented on the way my house smelled, so that was a relief).

There are some people in my life that I draw close to because they have qualities I want to replicate. Some of my friends are so prayerful, they have held tight to the truth that nothing happens without prayer. I draw close to them, so I can draw in the scent of that quality and be filled with the desire to replicate it. Some of my friends are so kind and I can see the love of Christ in that kindness; I likewise draw close to them to be able to replicate those qualities. There is an aroma about their lives that reminds me of Jesus and makes my heart want to replicate that.

My husband is one of these people. When I was considering whether or not to marry him, I reminded myself that if I lived my life alongside this person, I will constantly be reminded about Jesus and will certainly become more like Jesus. What more could I want in life than to be more like Jesus by seeing a good example of Jesus in my husband?

There are some scents that make us hungry. I regularly make this turkey chili recipe I stumbled upon a few years ago, and the first few ingredients are so fragrant, your mouth waters. The scent reminds you of what’s to come and makes you hungry.

Using this as a metaphor, Paul says that our lives should be the aroma of Christ to those around us. Our lives should remind others of what’s to come and make them hungry. Hungry to know God. Of course, that is not always the case. At times the aroma of Christ in our lives will make those who don’t know Him disgusted. Paul says to those that are perishing it is the fragrance of death to death, and to those who are begin saved, life to life. The one thing that can be said is that our lives should not be met with indifference. The aroma of Christ should be unignorable.

So for this new year, I would love to resolve to be the aroma of Christ to those around me.

Are you the aroma of Christ to people in your life? Does being around you make others hunger for Jesus? Do the people who are closest to you make you hungry for Jesus? Or do the people around you feed your hunger for your desires of the flesh?

Scrolling through Instagram the other day, I saw a post by a girl I follow that got my attention. It drew me into the truth and showed me something I needed to see. Funny how the smallest things can catch your attention. I have dwelled on it for days and have lost count on the number of people I have shared it with.

She posted Proverbs 30:7-9:

Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, “Who is the LORD?” or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.

Financial security is a easy idol in my life. It’s rational, it’s responsible, and it is often enslaving. It enslaves me to bitterness, anxiety, ungratefulness, and doubt. I like our family to have more than enough, a nice comfy cushion between us and the red numbers. I want our debt to be paid yesterday, and I want to be able to buy whatever I want. I want to give money away abundantly. I want wood floors and quartz countertops. I want, I want, I want. And I worry, I worry, I worry. I worry about our family, I worry about what we will do if we have kids. Do I have to work? Can we feed them? The list goes on.

And then I read Proverbs 30:7-9. Agur asks for two things. The first will preach all on its own. But the second is that God would only provide him what he needs. Not more, and not less, but enough. It reminds of the Israelites in the wilderness as they wandered and each day the Lord would give them enough manna for that day and that day alone. And each day they would gather just enough for that day. If they gathered more than enough, it would rot and not be edible. So God only provided enough for that day, and they had to trust that each morning when they woke up, a new manna would be available for that day.

They had to trust in the faithfulness of God.

And I too must trust in the faithfulness of God. That He will provide enough for each day. I do not need to be anxious for anything (Matthew 6:34).

Truthfully, I don’t always trust that God will provide. I feel a need to make sure there is a plan B in case He does not meet my needs. So I plan, I save, I store up my treasures on earth (Matthew 6:19).

And he told them a parable saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, and be merry.’ But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12:16-21)

This is not a rebuke to responsible, rational money management but rather a rebuke to the enslaving idolatry of financial security. A repentance for bitterness, envy, and doubt that spring up as a result. A plea of my own to live in thankfulness and trust.

To those who just came home from South Africa,

You must know first how much joy it brings me to belong to a church that has partnered with my home country. For those who don’t know, I was born and raised in South Africa. Not as a missionary. My dad is from England, my mom is from Zambia, and my brother and I were born in South Africa with no plans of ever leaving. It was home. Thank you for your faithfulness to Jesus that led you there to love on the people. He birthed that desire in your heart, and you were obedient.

Now, you are back in America.

I am sure you all had different experiences in South Africa. I know your joy. I have spent time there, with those kids, with Pastor Fola, and have experienced a similar joy. I want you to know something about South Africa. Where you went and what you experienced is unusual. Townships do not usually have open doors where you can just go in and love on the people there. You couldn’t just show up anywhere in South Africa and do what you did. I want you to understand that a man has labored years to build trust within that community and show the love of Jesus consistently and faithfully. In Worcester and in Avian park, we are enjoying the fruits of another man’s labor. Pastor Fola has spent years reaching that community. It is for that reason that we can go there and spend time with the people and wrap our arms around those precious children. I know you were inspired, how could you not be!

Now, you are back in America.

I know some of you might be struggling with being in America and seeing excess for what it is and dead hearts for what they are. I know it stings just reading the words, “Now, you are back in America.” And I said it twice! It might have stung like salt in a wound that is still healing. As hard as it is, please let me challenge you. We are here. For whatever reason, you, me, we’re here. In America. In Humble, Texas. I’m not sure what could be less appealing to a heart that has recently been stirred. But nevertheless, we’re here. For some of us, buying a plane ticket, flying back to Africa, and loving on the kids there, is a much easier thought than being here. But since we’re here, and God is sovereign, what will we do?

There are communities just like Avian Park right here in Houston, but we find something more appealing about doing the same work in Africa (this is a consistent struggle in my heart). It would take a lot of work to build that community with people here, to travel to the less glamorous parts of Houston, and build trust with the people, and eventually be able to love on the children. It would take years. Like it took Fola years. And it’s just nowhere near as cool as Africa. But is that the heart of Jesus?

Some people are going to be called back to Africa. Some will go many more times. Some might even move there. But some people are going to be called to Houston. Are you okay with that? I feel like I’ve arm wrestled God over this issue many times. You’re going to have to struggle too, wrestle with the thought, decide how you’re going to respond if you’re stuck in America for the rest of your life. I pray that we all find a way to be the hands and feet of Jesus wherever we find ourselves, faithful there, to labor persistently and joyfully. We will need to be determined to be in and not of. To love those who are rich but poor. Alive but dead. Who have everything they think they want but are in desperate need.

I don’t know how to do it. I’m praying that God will strengthen me for the work and help me to love like He loves. Here. And praying for an opportunity to go back and see my home and my people!

In South Africa, we sing a song. Shosholoza. Scroll down a couple blog posts for the link to hear it. Its not the national anthem, but it’s a close second. Shosholoza means go forward. It’s a song of encouragement. I pray that you all find encouragement as you go back to work and school and life here. The ordinary. But shosholoza. Go forward. In Jesus’ name.

Thank you again for going. Thank you for loving. Thank you for holding those precious babies and whispering in their ear the name of Jesus. Thank you for the photos.

South Africa needs the love of Jesus. America does too. Be faithful wherever you are.